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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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First off, I had to install some fancy radio gear at this café on Agios Dimitrios street. You know, the one with the killer espresso? Yeah, that one. I get there, and the barista, this dude named Nikos, is all stressed out. Apparently, the Wi-Fi’s down, and customers are losing it. Like, c’mon, it’s 2023! No Wi-Fi? It’s like a death sentence for coffee lovers.

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